Tuesday, 5 February 2013


I'm so sorry. I rarely cook anything of note any more.

I rarely eat anything of note.

Last January, it wasn't really planned, but I started training at the gym. Not cycling on resistance 1 in a pair of Primark leggins and going home for a bottle of rosé training, but blisters on your hands, sweating off your eyebrows, bruises on your forearms training. By some miracle I was still doing it come December, and by some bigger miracle I was 12% body fat down.

Over the past 12 months I have swung between the squat rack and the fridge, umming and ahhing about whether I really want to go for it. Not Jodie Marsh go for it, but half way there. I'd at least like to look like I work out.

In between mouthfuls of cheese I have spent the last year prodding and pinching my tummy and watching my bum becoming perkier, and I wondered this Christmas what I could look like if I did decide to go for it. Exercise is only the 20%, after all.

I have a diet plan, and I am sticking to it. I'm not kidding when I say that "three almonds" are one of my twice daily snacks and more meals than I would hope for come in liquid form, but I am wholeheartedly trying.

It doesn't, however, make for interesting blogging.

So I just wanted to say sorry; let's call it a hiatus. Who knows where I'll end up. This might end up a fitness blog. I might post recipes that don't that don't make you so fat. I might fail and end up Half Ton Mom. I'm all for trying.

Watch this space.

Sunday, 13 January 2013

Chocolate Mug Cake

I told myself that 2013 would be the year that I become a total goddess. I was gonna shake off the cankles for good. Gin & Slim as my only indulgence.

That was, of course, until I learned how to make these.

I have become dangerously accustomed to having something sweet to eat after dinner over the years. Be it a ginger biscuit or four Mr Kipling Angel Cakes; I'm not fussy.

I usually umm and ahh, and rifle through the cupboards only to find bags of sprouty old potatoes and tins of tuna, and then ponder driving down to Tesco Metro in the cold and rain, before realising what a crazy fat lady I am being and snapping out of it.

I'll lecture myself. "Stop being such a fatty, Lu. Just eat a bloody tangerine and go and read a book". Lately, I have been better at resisting.

Tonight the urge overwhelmed me but it really was too cold to pop to Tescos just for some Angel Cake. If I'm not mistaken it's actually snowing outside. I had to get creative.

There was an egg in the fridge (!), I remembered. It was only three weeks out of date (!!). Let's make a cake (!!!). In a mug (!!!!). The rest was improvisation.

It was actually really, really tasty. It rose beautifully and had a lovely texture to say that it was basically a mug-full of out-of-date egg and low calorie hot chocolate powder. I loved the way it spilled down the side of the mug.

I read a couple of recipes that instructed you to turn it out onto a plate to eat, but there really is no other way to eat it than straight from the mug with a tea spoon and a handful of chocolate coins melted on top.

You will need:

  • 4 tblsp sel-fraising flour
  • 2 tblsp caster sugar
  • 2 tblsp hot chocolate powder
  • 1 egg
  • 3 tblsp milk
  • 3 tblsp vegetable oil
  • 1/2 tsp vanilla bean paste
  • 1/2 tsp chocolate extract
  • Handful of chopped chocolate
  • Large mug (The larger the better if you don't want to make a mess of your microwave)
Add all dry ingredients into mug. Mix well

Crack in the egg and stir well, avoiding leaving pockets of flour. Add the milk, oil, chocolate extract, vanilla paste and chocolate chips. Stir well. Add more flour if you think it is too think- the mixture should ribbon nicely. 

Microwave on full power for 3 minutes. 

Melt some chocolate and spoon on top. 

Treat yourself to a glass of milk, too. A mug with a moustache is a must.

Sunday, 30 December 2012

Spicy Sausage Arrabiata and Mascarpone.

Reality commences on Wednesday. And what a pity!

I have enjoyed sleeping in until 11and doing absolutely none of the things that I normally don't have time to do and fully, truthfully and honestly intended to do on this Christmas break. One of these things might have been actually doing some washing so that I have clean clothes to wear to work on dreaded Wednesday. But, no. My clothes are still dirty and I've spent most of the Christmas break on the sofa watching my new One Tree Hill box set and drinking red wine.

Welwyn Garden City was fun. I ate with friends at Hertfordshire's finest number-1-on-the-food-hygiene-scale curry house and knocked up some pretty bad-ass roast potatoes at Christmas dinner for eleven.

A trip to Surrey meant salmon blinis, gammon and celeriac mash and roast pheasant and goose to finish. I also acquired some Le Creuset (!!) and the six (!!!) of us sat and had our photo taken.

I love how Lawrence is sitting like a gangsta rapper.

On Thursday we ate tapas at Fino in Fitzrovia and rested our weary heads at Citizen M in Southwark.

It had been quite the week! My body fat has reached new levels of "hell no!".

Wednesday means normality but until then, it's fair game. Tonight's dinner was an excellent display of this.

Simon asked for spicy sausage for dinner and I ran with it. Here's how:

  • 3 spicy pork sausages (I used chilli, garlic and herb from Waitrose)
  • 4 shallots, diced
  • 8 cloved of garlic
  • 2 whole red chillies, diced
  • 2 tblsp brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup red wine
  • Bunch basil, chopped
  • 8 medium sized tomatoes and a punnet of cherry tomatoes
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Olive oil
  • Fusilli pasta
  • Mascarpone cheese
Chop your onion and garlic and cook over a medium low heat in plenty of olive oil for 10 minutes or so. Add the chilli, sugar, basil and red wine and stir to combine. 

Chop the tomatoes, making sure to keep all of the juice. Add to the pan along with some salt and pepper. Simmer on a low heat with the lid on for 20 minutes.

Skin your sausages and tear into small amounts of sausage meat. Fry in a pan on a high heat for 10 minutes or until browned. Add to the tomato sauce. 

Turn the heat right up and take the majority of water out of the sauce, stirring often. It should become fairly thick.

Put some pasta on to boil and serve with a dollop of mascarpone.

I ate half a baguette with butter too, and I'M NOT ASHAMED.

Sunday, 16 December 2012

Brocceroni Cheese

If I was to be a vegetarian, however unlikely, I would totally be the fattest vegetarian on the planet. I mean, what else is there to eat but pasta and cheese?

Pasta + cheese + vegetable, perhaps. But no, no tofu, no mushrooms. No Linda McCartney. Aside from being allergic to all of the aforementioned, they are BORING.

I would just be eating hella mac and cheese.

I love me some mac and cheese.

Can you believe that nobody else has thought of making Brocceroni Cheese before? Well, at least not according to Google. Or perhaps it's more likely that nobody has gone to the effort of naming it as such.

Broccoli and cheese are a match made in heaven, and macaroni was the obvious accompaniment. Lovely, lovely, lovely. Lovely green, cheesy, creamy sauce and a crunchy grilled top. The epitome of comfort food.

I didn't eat the whole lot, but that's not to say that I didn't try. I'll eat the rest for lunch tomorrow. You should make some too:

  • Butter
  • Flour
  • Milk
  • Cheddar cheese, grated
  • Salt and Pepper
  • 1 broccoli 
Melt a fair amount of butter in a pan and chop all but 5 or 6 small florets into small pieces. Soften the broccoli in the pan for 10 minutes or so on a medium heat. It should become dark green and soft- don't worry about over cooking it as it will only be blended into the cheese sauce. 

Whilst this is happening cook your pasta in boiling water

In a saucepan melt another fair chunk of butter (I never said this was healthy). Add a sprinkling of flour and whisk to make a roux. Use your judgement on amounts. Cook for 30 seconds or so and add a splash of milk. We're just making a bechamel. You know the drill. You want it slightly on the think side as the cheese will make it thicken. Add the grated cheese and stir. 

Pop in the cooked broccoli  and blend with a hand mixer. Season with salt and pepper. 

Mix with the cooked pasta and put in an oven proof dish. Sprinkle with more grated cheese and pop in the remaining florets of broccoli. 

Heat under a high grill until browned and crisp.

For fat vegetarians everywhere.